what happened to me

on the 31st of January this year (2019) I was experiencing drug induced psychosis.

google says drug induced psychosis is any psychotic episode which has been caused by abuse of stimulants.

I say drug induced psychosis is the most overwhelming thing I've ever experienced.

I experienced psychosis over three days after arriving home from a music festival in Victoria, Australia,

during this time I was interpreting what was being said to me as if I was being transmitted an important message from a higher being.

my way of interpreting body language,

my way of interpreting any action involving myself,

was intended to show me what I needed to learn in the near future.

I felt highly connected to something of great power and was convinced my actions were not in my conscious control.

the first day of feeling like this made me feel very curious.

I thought I was on a pathway of self discovery which was leading me to come to understand the complexity of who created the experience of reality - basically some form of the divine creator. I wanted to learn who gifted us with the ability to experience the world as we know it. I was feeling very spiritually enlightened.

side note the fact I have never followed religion, but have always been curious about its origin and power.

on the third day, the day of my accident,

I was convinced I had become trapped in hell,

I would try to ignore my fear, in hope to bring back the positive power that was giving me hope in the first day of my psychosis. I became haunted by the presence of people around my doorstep on Cooraminta Street. I thought the devil was using their eyes to see what I was doing - it seemed as if I would lock eyes with a stranger and the connection with the devil would remain for as long as I kept the eye contact. I ended up being led to understand the only way to escape was to pass through this realm - where I thought I was being kept - into somewhere I imaged as my new, positive, reality. I felt as if I was being called to discover where I belonged.

I took myself for a skate to relieve my stress and see if I would be given a sign on what to do next. I was making my way through my suburb of Brunswick, I made it to one of the main roads, Sydney Road. I was surrounded by people and traffic. I remember skating along in the bike lane and approaching red lights that turned green. green. green. I was met with a red. a message to stop. I turned to the truck waiting at the lights and opened the door. I asked for a ride. I thought this would take me to where I needed to go. The driver looked confused and refused. I was disappointed but then went to the sidewalk to think about where I was and what I needed to see.

I still felt confused and scared and I wanted to get away from the presence of eyes. I went right, towards the train tracks. It would be quieter. I crossed the tracks and sat on the bank opposite Brunswick Station. The sun was shining. I remember thinking it was there to comfort me. I mentally ran through all the messages I had interpreted over the two previous days. The devil's eyes weren't on me, the positive force was enabling me to find clarity. I felt I was where I needed to be, I felt my head clear from fear. I understood how to move on.

I can't remember choosing what happened next, but I do remember feeling convinced and calm,

as it would have had to happen,

I crossed the tracks I had just walked over,

jumped on my board,

headed along the walkway towards Jewell Station,

saw the pedestrian bridge over the tracks,

climbed up the stairs to the first level, climbed onto the wooden ledge, waited for the approaching train,

and

jumped.